the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
