I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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