She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
