the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
