if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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