Moan for me like Helen Keller
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
