is your mom at the bar?
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
