you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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