i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
