I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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