can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
