We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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