Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
