maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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