i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
