i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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