i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
