I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
