Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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