really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
