You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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