I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
