Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
