just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
