I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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