Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
