omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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