Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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