if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
