Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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