Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
