Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
