I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
