I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
