Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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