well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
