There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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