wakey wakey hands off snakey
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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