Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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