Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
