Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
