I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
