Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
