Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
