You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
