just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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