What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
