Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
