Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
