They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
